I stink

So in the last few years I have slowly worked to green up my life. We used cloth diapers and cloth trainers. I make my own laundry detergent. We try to eat organic food as much as possible. The one change I've made that I am not too sure on is switching to natural deodorant instead of an anti-perspirant.

I have heard for years that stopping your perspiration was not natural and could be linked to cancer and such. My parents both use liquid deodorant from Avon and many of my friends have made the switch to non-aluminum deodorants. I knew that it would be a a hard switch for me. I hate feeling sweaty.

So how can this hate to sweat girl switch to something that will not stop her sweat? I have slowly been putting my anti-perspirant on only every other day. Then once I ran out I headed to the natural grocery store in town and found a lavender deodorant with no aluminum or much of anything really. Honestly I am not liking it. I hate feeling so wet under my arms. I am struggling with getting use to my natural smell. I know or maybe I think I don't stink but I am thinking it is time to switch to something else. I've heard some people use baking soda, coconut oil and a few drops of essential oils as deodorant. I need to go buy the coconut oil. I am not liking the change. I don't like it one bit. Sometimes being green stinks :)

#Mamavation Monday: why run?

So my plan had been to write about my work into greening my life but when I got home I heard about the tragedy at today's Boston Marathon and needless to change my topic changed. DH and I were trying to figure out what happened at the Boston Marathon since I got home got on Twitter and saw pray for Boston. While watching the coverage DH noticed that people were still finishing the race. Why the hell were they still running?

So why run? Why keep running when you hear a bomb? Well I wasn't there and I honestly have no clue but I know this, when I am racing I am in my head. I am barely aware of the world around me. I can image that at the end a a marathon you are completely in your zone. You are so one with yourself and you are about to finish a marathon, I can image it would take your brain to register that that sound you heard was a bomb. I think also in part it is your natural instinct to run when you hear a scary noise.

I have been not running. I have been sitting. I have been debating the reason for me to run. Why run? Why not do weights and planks and focus on losing weight instead of going further and running longer. I think I am going to start again. I think I want to get back into the running. Anyway, I will be praying for those injured, I will be praying for the families of those killed, and I will be praying for peace.

What the fuck is a shinobi?

Archnemesis and DH love to speak in Samurai/Ninja/Anime speak. Honestly once I hear anything that I think might be used in an anime I totally tune out. However last night I finally bit and asked DH, what the fuck is a shinobi?

Here is my understanding of shinobi: a ninja/samurai who is willing to sacrifice for the good of the community. According to Urban Dictionary a shinobi is a highly trained ninja who is an expert in stealth retreats also known as a Warrior of the Night or Walker in Shadow. To all of that my response, what the fuck is a shinobi?

According to DH, everyone in the coffee crew is a shinobi. They all give of themselves for the good of the community. So be extension is would include me. I call bullshit. When do I give of myself for the good of the community? Now yes, I would say I give myself for my family. DH and Ravebaby are my world and I have no problem sacrificing for them. When the hell else do I do that shit?

I think some of my resistance is the premises in my mind that a shinobi must be doing this for just the community. I guess I see it as a good guy in the shadows. I am no good guy and very rarely do I do anything without expectation of something in return. How can I be shinobi when I am one never with the coffee crew and two I am looking for something in return?

Maybe this is still part of my own view of myself as a horrible person. I mean I do give but yes I want a thank you back. I don't want money or things in return. Usually I want acknowledgement and a feeling of belonging. I know if you give with the expectation of something in return you are by definition not giving freely. If you are not giving freely then you are not a good person. If I expect something back then I am not really being a good giving person, I am just a self-centered asshole.

Anyways but the point, what the fuck is a shinobi? I don't know.