Half-Mary Done

Today I ran a half-mary.  Not a race but 13.1 miles and just a touch more since I had to walk back to my car so 13.31 total.  2 weeks ago I ran 12 miles with my friend from high school and it was a total disaster!  It took us over 3 and half hours and my ankle was killing me so I couldn't actually run after 7 miles.  It was so hot and I started off too fast.  It was also on the road, which really killed my ankle.

I gave myself last weekend off.  I started a new job and wasn't sure about barely being able to walk after trying to run a half-mary. 

Today I set myself for success.  I picked an outdoor track that would be nice to my ankle.  I ran in the morning so it wouldn't get too hot.  I got it all done in just under 3 hrs and 10 minutes.  I smashed that 12 mile time!  My ankle did well.  I'm tired and sore but not so much that I can't move, just moving a bit slow.

The Nac Half is in a few weeks Nd despite hearing it is super hilly, if time allows I want to run it.  But even if that doesn't happen I am still going to keep training up to a marathon.  I really believe I can get one done before my 40th birthday.  So onward and upward!

New job and less family time

I got a job.  Y'all not just a job but the opportunity of a lifetime!  I'm the director of library services at a HBCU!  I love it.  I'm only 5 days in and things are really falling into place.  I'm making callings getting services back online and feeling like I've been reborn in my career.  So far there is only one draw back: I'm commuting close to 2 hours.

I'm not a big fan of driving but it's not the first time I've had a long commute so I don't really mind.  The problem is the lack of family time.  DH also started a new full time job on Monday and he is working 3-11 daily with Thursday and Friday off.  I'm leaving the house around 6am to be at work by 8am and then not getting back until 7pm.  My off days are Saturdays and Sunday so as you can see that is not leaving anytime with DH and my time with my girls is down to about 2-3 hours per day since I have to head to bed around 9.  Of course Baby Lala is asleep at about that time but I'm down to 2 hours with her and Gymgirl where I had been home 24/7 for close to 3 months. 

We are all adjusting.  We all know it is a big sacrifice.  When I was offer the position, I really had to stop and think about it.  The salary is bit of bump from my last job but the opportunity is worth so much more.  It means jumping into the world of Academic Libraries, which I had been struggling to do.  Basically no one wanted to hire me with very little Academic Library experience but since I had lots of supervisory experience this college was excited to scoop me up.  I've gone from feeling like the ugly duckling to a beautiful swan.  Everyone is so supportive and really pushing to help students learn! 

Of course that means less time to blog but I'll do better about writing every few weeks unlike with the old job that didn't leave time or energy for anything.  I think that is one of the biggest differences.  I leave this job tired but energized.  I love what I do.  I'm confident in what I'm doing.  I don't second guess myself as much.  I'm making it home and I'm making a difference.

Miscarriage and Assigned Soul

October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Month.  I've written in a past blog post about losing a pregnancy about 2 years after Gymgirl was born.  If you do the math, there are almost exactly 7 years between my girls.  That was not my plan but that is what happened.  I love my rainbow baby, Baby Lala, but I still think about the one lost between.  To say I spent 9 months terrified I was going to lose the pregnancy is an understatement. 

We have been watching Bones.  DH got GymGirl and I into it.  There was an episode with Cyndi Lauper as a psychic and she was helping a soul cross over.  In that episode, she mentioned to the soul, who was a young teen, all about the life he would have had including 2 children that will now have to find a new way here.  I asked DH if he thought that was the way it worked.  Do we get assigned our best life and then between free will and life itself it turns into other things?  He said yep something like that.  "Then what about the soul we lost?  Was it Lala or someone else? Will he find a new way here?"

Is that the way it works?  Was I tasked with bringing a certain number of souls across and failed at some point?  See the loss is great and doesn't go away.  So much potential, life changing, world saving energy just gone?  If energy isn't created or destroyed then that soul is still around and will find a new way here. 

I'm sure how souls work.  I just know I still the loss.  I have a couple of friends who in recent month have dealt with pregnancy loss.  They have been super open and honest on Facebook about it.  I'm so proud of then.  When I had my miscarriage, we didn't tell anyone for months and only because I had written the blog post.  There was so much shame, like I was a failure as a woman.  I know that wasn't and isn't true.  Only God knows the master plan and I'll just be patient and have faith.