Sunday, May 10, 2009

FEAR . . .

Okay I have to admit that I'm afraid of this whole baby thing. We still have a week until our dr. appt. and I'm so afraid the doctor is going to give us bad news. I have no reason to believe anything is wrong. I'm tired but that is normal for this point of my pregnancy and I've never been one to take it easy so slowing down a bit is not a bad thing.
I guess my fear has to do with my happiness. I'm happy. Life is good. We have a lot of work and saving to do before the baby arrives but I'm happy. Truly I am living a blessed life. I have a wonderful growing family. I've been wanting a baby for a long time and finding out that I'm pregnant was like the answer to a prayer. So why the fear? I'm so happy that I just don't think that the happiness can last. Why should I be so happy when other people are suffering? How can I be building a wonderful life when I'm such a horrible ungrateful person?
I know that God only gives us what we can handle and I think I can handle anything that comes my way but I'm still terrified the doctor will tell me they can't find a heartbeat. I'm praying that everything goes well and fingers crossed the doctor will tell me eveything is progressing well and then I'll go to worrying about things that are important like world peace.