Friday, March 29, 2013

50's mindset

I am a strong believer in being open with DH about any interactions I have with any man. He has all of my passwords, open access to my Facebook, twitter, and texts on my phone. Why? Well I was raised that my husband should be the only man with whom I have any level of intimacy. If I have a friendship with a man outside of DH and there is any part that is not completely open then I am fostering a relationship outside of my marriage and that makes me a cheater. DH should be my sole source of male companionship.

I have had guy friends outside of DH but they have never been anything that meant being allow with the dude or private conversations. The only exception to that is The Groom. We were really good friends. We rode to conferences together just the two of us and even hung out at my house without DH there. To some extent The Groom was more of a big brother. The night I was alone with The Groom at my house, DH had basically asked him to hang out with me while he went to fight for a Wii. DH trusted The Groom to keep me safe at a Hootie and the Blowfish concert. I did and do see The Groom as a big brother. However, we never talk on the phone, text or anything like that.

An incident that DH always brings up is the time Discgolfer sat with me at church. I was at the Sunday Spanish mass and Discgolfer did not speak much Spanish and just wanted to have someone to sit with so he came and sat with me. Well I am Mexican. This was a mass full of Mexicans. DH rarely goes to church with me so if a man were to sit with me at mass, the view is he must be my husband, right? Well I came home and told DH about the whole thing and about how it weirded me out and now everyone was going to think Discgolfer was my husband or that I was at church with my lover. Any number of things were just wrong with the whole thing. DH said I was nuts. He is a friend that did not want to sit by himself so he sat with me; end of story.

So you see the crazy 50s idea that I have. Even now Rockerwife and I talk it over all the time, we don't have relationships with men outside of our husbands. It just feels wrong. If we communicate with a man not our husband we immediately go and tell our husbands. We are overly open with any aspect of a relationship outside of our husbands. So I know it is not just me.

DH is calling bullshit and is forcing me out of this mode of thinking. I am under orders to text Archnemesis once a day. One because apparently Archnemesis thinks I hate him and two DH wants me to see that there is nothing wrong with a friendship with a man outside of my husband and that a relationship with a bit of emotional intimacy is actually a good thing. Honestly I am not buying it. I will send the texts since DH is asking me. I don't really understand what I can gain from a friendship with a man that I don't already have with say Rockerwife or Cameragirl?

We've all seen When Harry met Sally. Men and women cannot be friends without eventually having sex, right? My best guy friend was DH, I married him and we have lots of sex. Am I asking for trouble here? DH knows that I purposefully keep male friends at arms length but I go back to Harry and Sally. If I am sharing everything with this person, am I leaving it open to sharing EVERYTHING? I guess the really test is if I start to keep texts secret or have meeting with said man outside of DH's knowledge. I am not the sort of person who goes looking for trouble and while I understand DH's point, making connections is never a bad thing, I can't help but to slip back into the thought that men and women can not be friends without something sexual between them.

I will say that in DH's wisdom, I have been assigned to try this with Archnemesis, who is married to a lady that is fantastic. I mean if you read the blog about my "sexual fantasy" with him, you can tell there is zero chemistry there. So you can't go heating up an ice block and expect a fire. I mean he could have assigned me someone single and therefore open to moving into the realm of sexual. We'll see how is goes.

DH is a firm believer that all connections matter so he wants me to have connections with everyone. In his mind, I am sure, if I keep certain people at bay then I am closing myself off from everyone. If I am closed off to friendships with guys then maybe I am also closed off in part to him. If I am to be open then I need to be open. Yet for some reason, this brings to mind and image of Billy Crystal in bed with Meg Ryan. How open can we be with the opposite sex? If you are hurting and I know that sex would make you feel better, if only for a moment, would it make me a bad friend not to help? Recently on Nashville, we see exactly that. Oh no your brother is dead. You feel bad. I'll fuck you and you can forget and feel better if only for the moment you are inside of my vagina. She is being a good friend, right? I don't want to be that good a friend with anyone.

Maybe I am just a pervert. Maybe I am too old-fashion. Maybe I am just closed off. I don't want to be closed off. I want to be open but I am not sure I want to be emotionally available. I'll try it. I might like it. Maybe this will lead to a whole new level of relationship with DH. One thing I do know, it will make for great blogpost!