Sunday, January 27, 2013

#Mamavation Monday: I need a partner. In crime

I don't know about the rest of you but I really struggle to work out on my own. When DH was working out with me, I was on the ball. How wants to give their partner yet another to rag on them about? I would get off my ass and workout. Now that DH is out due to illness and back trouble I just can't get into the rhythm of a daily workout. I have managed to workout every Monday but that is about all. I must get off my butt. I miss running but I am lacking an armband and like a good whiny bitch I am letting it keep me down. DH is finally getting us an infusion of cash so I am buying my armband and am getting off my ass. Must get off my ass!

Oh I forgot to tell you ladies that I am in the process of applying for a doctorate program in education to start n the Fall. I really want to make working out a habit now because once that program start I will have 100 excuses! I just need a way to distress and working out/running has been a God-send. I will do it!

“This post is sponsored by Beanitos and Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway” at the bottom of your post.

Monday, January 21, 2013

#Mamavation Monday: kicking ass

So in general I have allowed myself a week to feel fat and feel sorry for myself for gaining some weight.  That is now over!

This week I am kicking ass and taking names.  I have several projects in the works, most important my application to a doctorate program.  I need to finish writing my leadership profile.   Basically I need to write 10 pages bragging on my leadership skills.  I kick ass!

So that is my task for the week: KICK ASS!


Music Monday: Walking with a Ghost

Watch "The White Stripes - Walking with a Ghost" on YouTube

Latest song I am learning on the bass.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Unworthy

So I feel unworthy. I do not feel worthless. To feel worthless, I think means to feel like you are ignored or unseen. I do not feel ignored or unseen. To say I feel unworthy, I mean I feel unworthy of compliments, gifts, sometimes even love. I always feel worthy of criticism, insults and judgement.

DH says I am always ready to see the worst of me. I am never good enough. I am never smart enough. I am never pretty enough. I am never nice enough. I don't speak up enough. I always feel as if I fall short.

I do agree that I never take a compliment well. I always roll them off my back comeback with an insult or attack on myself. Compliments always feel like a setup for the real thought which is always an insult (in my mind). As Dr. Phil says when you say but take everything said before the but and throw it out, the real meaning is everything after. I am always waiting on the but. You are pretty but. . . You are such a hard worker but. . .

Yet on the other hand, if you start with the criticism I only hear the criticism not the compliment after. I am truly more comfortable hearing how horrible I am. If you tell me I am such a bitch. I have no problem with that. I might even chime in with examples. Like tearing me down is easy. I am just so comfortable in that.

I am not looking for compliments. I hear all of time that I am hard to figure out. I just don't think I am. At heart I feel unworthy of good stuff. At heart I feel like I am horrible person. There are good people. There are people who deserve good things. I am not one of them.

If anything, I am asking for compassion for my husband. Poor man. I don't think I really understand how hard this is for him. He wants to know that his love makes me feel good and it does. I do feel his love. I trust in his love. I just don't feel like I deserve it. I feel like he can do better. I feel like he deserves better. I am trying. I am more positive about me these days verses say pre-Ravebaby but I want to see the good in myself before I see the bad. I mean I can't be as bad as Hitler, right. Surely people don't lump me with Stalin. I am no Mother Teresa or Princess Di. I am just doing what I can. For better or worse, I am me. My inner voice leaves a lot to be desired. I really wish my inner bitch would go away.

So if you are wondering what I am think, it is probably me just think about where I fall short. Today, I feel fat because I am fat. Today I feel stupid because I used the wrong your, you're. Today I feel unworthy because I said something someone didn't want to hear. I am comparing myself to someone and I am falling short.

I do appreciate your kind words. I know it is hard to say something nice to someone you know will throw them back in your face. I love getting stuff but I can't help to think that the money could have/should have gone to better use or on a better person. I am trying. Just takes a long time to look in the mirror and see something different.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Random Recipe: #glutenfree Dirt Cake

Dirt Cake-

2 packages of Schar Chocolate O's Cookies (5.8 oz)

1package cream cheese (8oz) soften

1/2 stick butter soften

1 cup confectioners sugar

1 large cool whip (16 oz) thawed - I just buy two 8oz tubs

2 small (four serving size) instant vanilla pudding

2 cups of milk -- can use a little more if it seems thick up to 3 cups

(Check your ingredients to make sure they are gluten-free!)


Crush cookies, i suggest you crush each package one its own then use one for top and one for the bottom) and set aside. In a medium bowl, mix butter, cream cheese and sugar and set this aside. In medium mix milk, pudding and cool whip. Fold into cream cheese mixture. In a medium casserole dish, layer cookies, pudding mixture ending with cookies. You can top with spoonfuls of cool whip and candy flowers or gummy worms. KEEP REFRIGERATED.

This is a special recipe. It is based on one from my friend Brianna, may she rest in peace. By the way it was so good my nemesis actually ate seconds and he hates gf food!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Local Music Tuesday: The Factory

Today I am highlighting The Factory. Why highlight The Factory? Well it is the home turf of one Max Reynolds, a budding mega star (in Korea). The Factory is where quiet shy librarians go to become punk rock bassist! It is where physicists go to become blues guitar legends. It is where toddlers go try their little hands at all things music. In other words given half a chance the Wheatless Family lives at The Factory.

I have the honor of being one of the few people to have never missed a single show. The Factory opened its doors in January of 2012 and the last Friday of this month it will be celebrating its one year anniversary show. You must come down. You will love it.

Seriously we have fun at The Factory. As Ravebaby says: we are family at The Factory. Join the family!

I've included a few videos so you can feel The Factory. Enjoy!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Mamavation Monday: damn scale

So I weighted myself a couple of weeks ago. Remember how I said I never weight myself cause it messes with my head? Well it has messed with my head. I am feeling fat all because I had found out I was 10 lbs heavier than I thought. 10 lbs in the grand scheme of things is nothing. I lose 30 or so going wheatfree and have kept 20 of that off for the last three years! Not too bad. I need to cut myself a break. I am slowly going back to running and working out. Very slowly going back!

I have started doing my power 90 strength training and cardio. I tried the abs 100 and it kicked my butt. However I spent most of last week nursing a hurt back. It hurt! I took Tuesday til Friday. I went for a 17 min run on Saturday and hit 2k or just under 1.5 miles. Really not horrible for having a three month break from running. I went slow and I want to work my way back to about 10 miles a week. I had been doing so good! I am aiming for a half mary. I can do it! I can do it. I can do it?

Anyways, I feel fat. I am not fat. I just feel fat. I guess you could in fact fight the assessment of my fatness but whatever! I will keep working out and keep moving. I am also working hard to eat cleaner. So more cooking and planning ahead. I know that if we eat at home I will feel better because I will know what I am putting in my body. I am also going to do better about packing my lunch so that I am not stressing in the morning and worrying about what I am going to eat. I must plan ahead!

This post is sponsored by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway” at the bottom of your post.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Local Music Tuesday: The Standpipe Coffee House

There are a few places to go in Lufkin for music. You can head to The Factory, the home of Social Bliss, for their once a month rock show for the whole family. There is also The Standpipe Coffee House, also know as The Pipe or The Standy. This coming weekend they have a rocking show: Max Reynolds will open for JT Woodruff and Mark Rose.. While most shows at The Pipe are free this one will have a $5 cover. So excellent coffee, music, company and a great family place. See you there!

If you don't know, Standpipe records After Hours programs and post them to YouTube. Here is the first After Hours:

Monday, January 7, 2013

Mamavation Monday: 2013 goals?

So here is the reality of me at the moment, I have no clue what my fitness goals are for 2013.  I want to run a marathon but for this year I have my eyes on a half-marathon.   I feel like I can do.  I feel like this is a not scary goal.  Maybe I am selling myself short. Maybe I just don't believe in myself enough but I also don't want to set myself up for failure.  I am sure I can in the next 12 months work my way to that half-marathon.  But that isn't the only thing on my mind.  I want a baby.  I have spent the last 6 months waiting for a positive pregnancy test.  Each month my period comes and my hope fades.  I am not going to work my life around a baby that mgjt never come but I also want to keep myself open to a babu and therefore a change in fitness goals.

We'll see what the next year brings.  Maybe a baby, maybe a completed marathon.   I am open.

So here are the stats for the beginning of the year:
Weight: 221
Height: 5'4"
Chest: 47"
Waist: 44"
Hips: 48"

This post is sponsored by Schick Intuition and hosted by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Mamavation Monday: soda less 2013

Two weeks ago at my first Mamavation chat, BookieBoo challenged us to cut out all soda from out diets. Not diet allowed either. In the time we went wheatless I started drinking soda again as a reward to myself. I was giving up wheat so I needed something to make myself feel normal. That started me on a soda a day habit. A horrible habit and one that in the time previous to going wheatfree had been totally broken.

DH hates soda and when we got married he banned it from the house. See going to Mexico for vacations with my Grandparents meant drinking Coke. In fact for awhile it was the safest thing to drink. It was just what we drank. We would trade in the glass bottles for more soda. Rich people drank Pepsi. Soda was a safer choice to water. But this the US and water is safe to drink so I gave up sodas and would really only have it when I was out with friends. I often gave it up for Lent and would spend about 6 months of the year totally soda free.

So I had my first soda in two weeks yesterday at a party and it make me sick. Like I had detoxed and was poisoning myself again. So 2013 will be soda free. I am kicking the habit once and for all. Ravebaby was beginning to want to drink soda. She would see me with one and want one too. Ravebaby isn't going down the soda path. So its over. Soda and I are officially broken up.

Here is a link to an awesome article from Dr. Momma on the affects of soda on the body.