Wednesday, June 30, 2010

many thoughts, no pictures

Wednesdays are usually wordless but not so today.  Not sure if I've blogged about this but today is moving day.  After 7 years of living in Virginia, we are moving back to Texas. 

It feels bittersweet to leave.  I feel like we've finally hit our stride.  We have friends, a house, two dogs, a baby but we don't have family here.  I don't want Audrey to grow up without her family.  I always felt cheated to only see my grandparents twice a year (well my mother's parents, my dad's parents were in town).  I want Audrey to have family around.  Between both sides of the family she has 8 cousins!  She deserves to grow up with them around. 

I love my life in Virginia but I'm ready to move on.  I never expected to live in Danville for 7 years.  I always expected to move to the big city, Roanoke or Greensboro.  I guess I always had one foot out the door with Danville.  But of course once I decided to leave, God put some incredible people in my life.  It's harder to leave than I thought and I'm trying to not feel the feelings or I"m afraid I'll totally breakdown and refuse to leave.  I know we've made the right decision but it is hard to go into the unknown. 

Lufkin is my hometown but like Thomas Wolf wrote, "You can't go home again."  Lufkin is a different place and I'm a different person.  I hope we get along.  I hope I find some local friends.  I have my bestest friends in Texas but they will be about 4 hours away.  I hope I find some crunchy mammas to hang with so that I don't feel like a freak.  I hope that I can learn to let go and let God take my life in the direction that is right for me.  Being a parent means making decisions that are best for someone besides yourself.  I know I'm doing the right thing and I'm at peace with it but it's still hard.