So I did it; I ran 10 miles yesterday! I felt so lonely, so worthless, so invisible; it was as either run or die.
Not that I would have actually killed myself but I would have done something self destructive, like
pull all of my applications or sent an ugly email to the job interview people.
Running is good therapy for me. It takes a lot of energy to get started and crap-ton
of will to keep going after the first interval. But I don't know if it is a runner's high or just my body
thinking it is closer to death about halfway thru I'll settle in and enjoy the run.
Yesterday miles 6, 7, 8 I actually had negative splits! Meaning they were my fastest miles and honestly
it is difficult to get faster in the middle of a long run, for me anyway. The longer I run the better I feel
until I'm pushing myself into a new longer distance. By the end of mile 8 (which was my previous
longest distance) I really felt awesome. I was ready to grab life by the balls and be a total badass.
Then my mood took a turn around 8.5 miles, I started feeling a tiredness in my legs that took over
my thoughts. I tried breathing thru the pain. It took everything thing in me to finish. I had to give myself
permission to slow down. I reminded myself that starting sub-13 min wasn't important, I just needed to
accomplish my goal and I could crawl if I needed to.
I didn't need to crawl. I was hurting and unfortunately my mind had settled back into a negative
state but at least I could shut that negative voice down a little easier; I mean I am a badass that
ran 10 miles! Surely a loser can't do that, right?
Anyways, a half marathon is really well within my grasp. The race I'm targeting isn't until
November so still a full month of training. I'll keep adding miles and that change from awesome
to suck will hopefully move out further and further so that I'm strong at mile 13.1.
We'll see how it goes!
Not that I would have actually killed myself but I would have done something self destructive, like
pull all of my applications or sent an ugly email to the job interview people.
Running is good therapy for me. It takes a lot of energy to get started and crap-ton
of will to keep going after the first interval. But I don't know if it is a runner's high or just my body
thinking it is closer to death about halfway thru I'll settle in and enjoy the run.
Yesterday miles 6, 7, 8 I actually had negative splits! Meaning they were my fastest miles and honestly
it is difficult to get faster in the middle of a long run, for me anyway. The longer I run the better I feel
until I'm pushing myself into a new longer distance. By the end of mile 8 (which was my previous
longest distance) I really felt awesome. I was ready to grab life by the balls and be a total badass.
Then my mood took a turn around 8.5 miles, I started feeling a tiredness in my legs that took over
my thoughts. I tried breathing thru the pain. It took everything thing in me to finish. I had to give myself
permission to slow down. I reminded myself that starting sub-13 min wasn't important, I just needed to
accomplish my goal and I could crawl if I needed to.
I didn't need to crawl. I was hurting and unfortunately my mind had settled back into a negative
state but at least I could shut that negative voice down a little easier; I mean I am a badass that
ran 10 miles! Surely a loser can't do that, right?
Anyways, a half marathon is really well within my grasp. The race I'm targeting isn't until
November so still a full month of training. I'll keep adding miles and that change from awesome
to suck will hopefully move out further and further so that I'm strong at mile 13.1.
We'll see how it goes!
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