Monday, October 29, 2018

Rainy days and Mondays . . .



Actually I really like rainy day and I'm not a part of the all Monday's suck crew, unless I hate my job then Mondays are the worst.  So then what the hell am I trying to say here?  A friend posted the other day some meme about remembering that some people would kill for your bad days so watch yourself kinda thing and it got me thinking about bad days.

When it comes to social media, I try to keep it real.  If I have a "bad day" then I will post about it.  Not to get sympathy but to keep it real and to try to reach out and connect.  So many people post only about their wonderful lives and never about their dark days.  There are times that it makes me feel awful and jealous to see all the wonderfulness in everyone else's life and wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong that my life isn't like that.  That is when I have to check myself.  To remind myself that they are posting the good to celebrate and celebrate they should but also posting your dark days is considered a bad thing to do.  We are suppose to hide our bad day, our struggle, and be ashamed to need help.  When we only post the good stuff then those people who struggle fall deeper into the shame spiral.  What am I doing wrong because everyone I know is having a great life?  I must be broken because I have bad days.

Here is some truth from me.  I have bad days and I have every right to feel bad on those days.  Yes I am blessed.  Yes there are people who would love to have my bad days but guess what I still have the right to my bad days! 

I am blessed beyond measure.  I know this but I don't always feel this.  I have a good marriage.  I have two amazing children.  My parents are alive and supportive.  I have decent in-laws.  I have an amazing career.  I know I am blessed. 

I still get to have bad days.  You don't have the right to tell me to feel better now because your day was worse or you know someone who has it worse.  There are days when DH and I feel completely disconnected when it feels like the work of marriage is too much.  Or the days my children get me up at 4am for the umpteeth time in a row and I can't think straight.  I have had days when I'm stuck in one town 3 hours away from my dad while he is undergoing cancer treatment and I just want to go be supportive but I don't have either the time or the money to make the trip.  The two weeks dad was in the hospital and we weren't sure he was going to survive were bad days.  Just because you have to worse doesn't mean that I don't get to have bad days.

This is not a bad days competition.  You can ignore me or you can type something supportive but people don't tell me it could be worse.  Don't tell me about your other friend who is having a worse day so that I can feel better.  I will feel better.  I know I will but in that moment of struggle I am reaching out and trying to connect and let others know that while yes I am blessed, I too struggle.  We all struggle.  WE ALL STRUGGLE!  There is no shame in the struggle.  Don't be afraid to reach out.  Just because we all struggle doesn't mean your struggle is less than mine or that you should be ashamed that my struggle could be worse so you shouldn't say anything.  You have a right to your bad days.  You have a right to feel bad.  You have a right to reach out and post about it.