Monday, July 4, 2011

I am an asshole

So it's been a year since I moved to Texas.  I've tired to get over being mad at DH for the way the move went down (it was total chaos).  I've tried to let go of the sadness over things lost in the move (Audrey's birth certificate).

Since the move, three of my VA friends have become mothers.  One passed away in childbirth (B).  She is one that has made me appreciate my life more.  So why the asshole thing?  Immediately after B's death I made a promise to keep in better contact with people.  She was there one moment and gone the next.  I never got to thank her for all of the help she gave me after Audrey's birth.  She checked on me.  She cooked for me.  She made sure I wasn't so alone when I could not have felt more alone. 

An yet I'm a total asshole.  I don't call people.  I don't write.  I barely blog updates anymore.  I want to blame my job.  I want to blame DH.  I want to blame Audrey.  I'm a professional woman by day, a mother to a toddler by night and at some point it would be good to be a decent wife.  Between all of that when could I possibly have time for anything else. 

 I have two local friends that I have been dying to see.  I moved back to Texas a year ago and still haven't seen them!  I moved back to Texas a year ago and I have only been to San Marcos/San Antonio once so my friends in that area haven't been visited in almost a year.

Yep, I'm an asshole.  At some point I have to put the blame in the right place and that is squarely on my shoulders.  I finally have some vacation coming up.  I'm thinking it's time for a trip to SM/SA.  I'm going to make lunch plans with my local girls.  I'm going to finally return some phone calls.